The First Blog (Decepticon)

Symmetry, irony, coincidence, THE UNIVERSE, all are quite appropriate to define the very first post, for the very paid ($96 – thanks iHeartMedia for paying you unemployment tax!) blog.

There’s been a few other WordPress attempts in the past, but none paid. In short time this page¬†should¬†be linked to a one-page type resume link; EricChaseSpeaks.Com. Don’t bother asshole – oh, there’ll be cursing here – I own it already.

There’s little I’m enamored with in life. That short list is a post for another time, but one thing I do love, is Transformers!

They’re my unbreakable bond to my innocent, less complicated childhood years. *WARNING* Verbose Eric is about to arise when all I wanted to do was get a quick first post up about something I learned today that would’ve made Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, which practically no one liked, much more enjoyable.

The seminal Transformers moments from my childhood are as follows, in chronological order, I think…

My dad taking me to Basco, or Best, whichever it was then called and buying a Transformers toy on a Sunday morning around 11. Any guesses on my first one? Anyone? Cliffjumper. A small one, Barry was cheap. It was probably $3.

Second, getting home from school everyday, flipping on the TV for the show and repeating over and over to myself – the nascency of some mental health things – “I’ve seen this one” “I haven’t seen this one” “I’ve seen this one” “I haven’t seen this one.”

Lastly, my dad taking me to see Transformers: The Movie in the summer of 1986 and watching Optimus Prime die.

I’ve seen it close to a hundred times now and there are still times I sob as an adult. I know we’re kinda hard on Millennials for their scant coping skills these days, and perhaps this was the genesis of my hardening soul, but Hasbro, what in the fuck were you thinking. I was 7. So were others! The cynic in me now sees the heavy hand of capitalism sweeping in to introduce new characters and new toys, but Hasbro, what were you thinking.

Optimus Prime was second only to one of my parents dying. My dad always reminds me the orchestral beginning (yes, BEFORE THE A LONG TIME AGO…part) of The Return Of The Jedi had me wanting to hop on a speeder out of the Orleans 8 in NE Philly, but I’d love to use my time machine to go back to 7 year old me trying to process this scene. When you’re 7, you don’t understand robots can be fixed, comics and cartoons can and will be revived and you surely don’t understand the strength of the almighty dollar.

Verbosity stops here.

Beast Wars, Transformers Prime, Robots In Disguise etc…

Never got into those Transformers cartoons. But this short form series on Machinma has enraptured me like nothing since 1984. Loyalty to G1 while introducing new characters and canon.

Of course it’s to sell toys. But I did meet one of the writers at Monroe’s Comic Con last year!

Combiner Wars. Titans Return. Power of the Primes.

This is the finale of the second of the trilogy.

Most, fans or not, would rank Revenge of The Fallen (ROTF) as the worst Transformers movie of the five. A writer’s strike hindered it somewhat, I’m sure – I think. But look, big robots I adored from my childhood on a giant screen WHILE people were still on AOL. Megatron could’ve farted on Optimus Prime and I wouldn’t have been too critical.

But who the fuck was The Fallen. THAT was the main antagonist of the Transformers sequel? Who? Some Transformer engulfed in flames.

This was before the Internet could tell you everything about anything.

I bought what Michael Bay was selling because, well, see above.

I’d have bought it a lot more had there been a line in the movie like what was included in the finale I posted just above. I believe from Megatron…(hold, going to rewatch)

‘The first Decepticon.’

There were 13, or so, original Transformers, and one was like, ‘fuck this, I’m out.’

In fact, ROTF should’ve be Transformers: FTIO. Fuck, this I’m out. The Fallen.

So, all these paragraphs later, Michael Bay, you probably could’ve bumped up your Rotten Tomatoes score for ROTF if you’d just have said the Transformers sequel was about the first Decepticon. That’s a cool untold story! I realize you may have alluded to that, but when we watch your movies we’re dumb. I turn brain into ON position when I go to a Nolan movie, not yours.

And thus ends the first post. I’m going to buy a Megatronus/The Fallen toy, because I don’t have one, on eBay on Amazon now. Bye.

 

 

 

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